Experiences
Dear people visiting this page,
A: this page will be under constant construction because it will never be finished, there will allways be more to add as there are always new thoughts that occur in ones mind.
B: This page contains images, writtings, and other explicit material concerning drugs, if you Or anyone lese does not wish to view this material please to no procede into the yonder depths of this document
C: The following material has either been donated to this site by fans or has been thought up on my own. All writting in the following document are original, the images on the other hand have either been created, donated, or coppied from other sites.
(drug related experiences)
(trippy thinking)
(demented and warped ideas in poem form)
(links to other cool sites)
It was my second chance, my second opportunity, to do the unthinkable, to act in a way which no human being is ever supposed to act, to inhale a fume to toxic it could reinvent your entire life. A lot of the surrounding population was revealing their lust for it and although I have acted in this manner once before I have not yet reached the desired destination, as it is said "IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED TRY, TRY AGAIN." This time although when I felt the cold metal touch my lips I felt a power stronger than god rush through me with the intensity of thunder and the speed of light. "Light him up, Light him up" they were yelling, I smiled with the metal pressed against my lips and withdrew all the necessary substances from the fire that I needed to reach my final destination. It was over, all used up and all at once more blood rushed to my head than ever before in my lifetime. My ears felt numb with pressure. I yelled out "its working, I think." My heart it feels like its beating at one million beats a second. The world, whats happening to it? Shaking, Spinning, moving, feeling like I've never felt. Good, bad, I don't know, its never happened before how am I supposed to know? Everyones laughing, should I laugh to? Are they laughing at me? I think I'm acting pretty normal. I sit down on a couch and appear to myself as if I am sinking into it, into the world, these thoughts are all new to me, these feelings too. Is this the intensity everyone is talking about? I've been drunk before but this is so much different. Is my body reacting the correct way to it? Will this intense feeling ever go away? These are my thoughts, RIGHT? Am I speaking these bits of my mind out loud? SPINNING, faster, faster, no I'm not my eyes are closed, I open them again. People saying "do you feel it? Is it working?" I nod my head smile and start laughing uncontrollably. Laughing while this feeling is infiltrating every sense, every action, while my entire body feels like its spinning, faster still. DRY, so damn dry, "I need a fucking drink!" "YEAH!" they all scream, "Drinks!" After my drink, I start thinking, this is such a GOOD feeling, I can't believe I've never been exposed to this. Why is this considered such a bad and evil feeling by society? I try to get up and walk, it all seems funny, not visually funny but internally funny, everything. "Help" I say, my first feeling upon standing is dizzyness just for a second though then continually spinning. Someone turn on music, every internal and external motion in my body, every brainwave, every heartbeat, every air current that hit me is to the beat of the music. So new to me, So good to me. The second memory: Weird, religious, until we met her, Just walked over and asked for one,that's all she did, so innocently, then saw the cloths, "Smoking on today? That not allowed, is it?" she asked. "That's not all we do," he said. He explained to her that we like to travel, and reach our destinations. She offered to help, she said five, we said four. And sure enough four it was after a little hustling. Four for a bag so soft and sweet and good to eat, no not eat, LIKE. We were walking around excited, nervous, anxiety gripping us, for some it would be our first, four some our second, for me my fifth. So anxious, yet so ready this time I stood there as they fought, they fought on who's going to separate, who's going to pack, who's going to LIKE it? Some didn't know, some were happy some were anxious, but one, one was nervous so cool, calm and collected but nervous, "How would we react, I've never seen this, this is dangerous, this is bad, or is it? I guess I'll soon find out," made it seem like he thought. The corn was full, full of good, full of sweet, full of excitement. We pulled, and pulled, and pulled at it grabbing every drop we could, pulling like little babies sucking as if it were our mothers breast for nourishment, support, and comfort. Again the rush of blood to my head, the rushes so powerful, more powerful than the last couple of times but not as the FIRST! This time though I notices everyone having the same reaction, walking around like madmen with their heads aimed down saying "Woah! Head rush!" I sat down, leaning against a metal barrier. Others sat down to, either on the barrier or leaning against it as I did. I noticed some not knowing how to react sitting down and thinking, "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?" Spinning again, spinning like on an amusement park ride, spinning round, and around, and upside down. Suddenly a buzzing sensation joined the spinning along with a deep anxiety feeling in my stomach. The feeling in my stomach was more than just anxiety I noticed, it was immense pressure. David stands and starts singing "I'm going out for a while, so I could get high with my friends" from the song "High" By "Feeder." We all joined. I thought while singing "This is so stupid, why am I singing?" Did I just say instead of think that? Why would I say instead of think that? If it was intended for thought I thought it, if it was intended for speech I spoke it, or did I? Ten minuets pass not much is spoken. Someone says, "I need a stoge." A simple smoke, that's what got is here to begin with, not we abuse it so freely. I take one to and light up. Inhaling is such a joyous pain that quivers down my throat. Second drag is less painful and more joyous. The third drag to until it is only joy. World still spinning. Stomach still burdened with pressure. Someone says, "I need mad munchies." Everyone agrees and we all get up and start walking in order to get FOOD. I get up and feel entirely dizzy and nauseous. I sit back down. They all tell me to get up, my stomach still under immense pressure. So hungry a person goes under each shoulder of mine and helps me walk as best I can. Fifty feet out on this little stroll stomach still under such straining stress, I say "I think I'm going to vomit". I walk away from the mob, not noticing my destination is directly in front of a store I sit down. Everyone is yelling saying, "get up! get up, we need food" Cough, gag, Pressure pushing, up, up, out. Yellow chunks mixed with fluid barge out of my mouth. After about thirty seconds of this experience I Feel much less pressure and much easier to enjoy my state. Someone passes by "IS he ok?" They ask. The mob Laughing says, "Yeah he's fine." I look into the pile of disgust and see a cigarette butt in it. People yelling, "He threw up a cigarette!" Laughing uncontrollably again, everyone including myself. We continue our journey now walking freely in order to obtain some food. The feeling so fresh without the pressure continues until Sleep is reached and memory still is so sweet. First of a new experience. Parents pissed off at me, like they most commonly are. They don't seem to understand me, my likes, which is becoming more of a habit but it's not out of control. I went to the city yesterday with my friend and after a long day of a wild goose chase, we finally get through to HIM. The man that everyone's been talking about. The man who delivers beautiful soft articles which I've been hearing so much about lately. I hear that they grow on horse shit but it is told that they make you feel so good that it doesn't matter what they grow on. He tells us to meet him on the other side of town. Anxiously we hop into a cab and direct it to the location, which was requested. We arrived at our destination and awaited his arrival not knowing in what mode he would great us. A shinny black BMW pulls up at the curb not attracting any attention to either my friend or me. A tall Spanish man emerges from the front passenger door, walks around the back of the car, opens the back right door, and a tall white man steps out and walks away. I notice the man standing by the open doors is looking at my friend and I. I look back. He speaks "Did you call Albert?" I told him I did. He commands me to get in the car. My friend and I exchange nervous glances not knowing what to do. I ask my friend if he wants to go and he says no, so I unsteadily step into and sit down on a black leather seat. The man closes the door behind me and walks around to the other side of the car and enters in the door he exited from. The dark man behind the wheel turns around looks at me and says, "Hi Mike, My name is Albert," I shake his hand and he starts to drive. He informs me he is going to drive a block up, when the car stops I will have everything I require and will have given him the money. The exchange takes place, I exit the car and run down the block to meet up with my friend whom I left . I give me friend what he wanted, I take what I wanted and head home. Sitting at home the next day bored out of my mind watching cartoons. Thinking when I should use this new substance. How much of it will cause the desired effect? Unsure I walk upstairs to my bedroom, close the door and retrieve the bag in which the goods are contained. I dig my hand into the bag of soft brown and white materials and remove a handful. I shove the pieces into my mouth chew a little then swallow. I doubt my parents will notice anything, it's probably just like getting high but I little more intense. Half-hour goes by, not feeling anything. Another half-hour, maybe it takes a while the first time. Another half-hour, damn! I think I got ripped off, this stuff probably isn't real. I continue watching TV now convinced they were bogus. A character on the television makes an extremely stupid joke and I begin laughing hysterically. Why am I laughing so hard? Probably just happy. Eating dinner with my family, its Friday night. Someone makes a stupid joke by the dinner table, I start laughing hysterically again. Laughing uncontrollably in front of my entire family. My dad asks me what is so funny, I reply through my laugh that my sister made an extremely funny joke. My dad looks at me puzzled. I begin to realize I had been tripping for the past two hours and not even noticing it. My sense of touch becomes much sharper and begins to sense new senses I had never felt before. Everything seems to be going in slow motion yet steadily. I am entering a new state of mind. A state where thinking is not required because the thoughts are placed into your head. A physical state where your simple whim to move will cause your muscles to move you without any physical strain. My feet feel like Jell-O under my legs. Wait a minuet, I think the plate that is in front of me just moved, not sure of it thought therefore will not take it into consideration. Continue the meal, not hungry just a sense of joy. Take a bit of chicken and feel it sluggishly squirm down my throat, into my stomach, making its way to feed my body. Feels so much better than being stoned, so much more intense, so much more inelectual. Must use more often!
A long time later, probobly between 6-8 months, will account for that time at a later date.
A lake bigger than the eye can see. Water waving down to our feet, curling up at the shore. Brilliant blue skies above, sun light reflecting down to the water.
Just me and her in our own world no one knows about, they are all sitting on the dock behind us as we walk knee deep in the magic blue water. Long black hair waving in the wind, big smile on her deep white face whose huge pretty eyes are painted black.
Us in our own world only we can see, feel, experience, relate to. While others behind us, others wearing long skirts and pants not daring to enter the deep blue water, other who wonder why we are, why we are doing, and why we have done.
It is supposed to be a religious experience, which is why I'm here but it is so much more. Holding hands, holding each other would make the moment. Wish I could but I cant so I wont. I also wish I could dive into the beautiful deep beyond. Although we are lucky we reached this point, usually not allowed but a person of authority came with.
Us in our own world, connected because of it. Moving with the water, with the sun, with the wind. Observing people living out their lives on the other side.
The electric light patterns projected by the sun through the water onto the ground underneath are moving, moving my emotions with the twists of reality slowly creeping up from under the dirt I'm standing on. Slowly pulling me down deeper into the water, which I am now becoming a part of. Feeling my breath being seized away by the beauty of the yonder blue sky colliding rapidly with the water at a point that is to far to be seen. The sense of knowing that all elements we are now relating to are one with each other and now with me.
Then the feeling of restraint. I cant dive, cant hug, cant express myself how I so wish because they are always watching, watching every move, every gesture, every glimpse into the void. And if they don't approve it is all over, sent home and hit hard with the reality that things cant always go your way, but the knowledge that things can go almost as far as you want them to by bending the limits to their max without breaking them
Rhyming, to myself, in myself, rhyming these mysterious rhymes of the deranged. Makes or makes none? Is or is none? Can anyone see this or believe it? Is what I'm seeing real? Is what I'm thinking what's supposed to be thought? Supposed to be thought by who? In what realm are we thinking that we could listen to each others thoughts which are so deep that no one, not even ourselves can know them. Each like a color in a rainbow, each like one of the thousands of frames which we race through in each day! Wait! Oops to late, you missed it, that was a thought one in a million other thoughts, should each be studied? No each should be wondered upon. Where did they come from? Where are they going? Where are they taking the thinker. Is it good? Is it bad? Is it where he wants to be or isn't it? Where are we? Where are we going? In out through, and through. One in a million, there is no one else like myself said the thought that raced through so many other thoughts in a head which is a world of its own J Ink, paper? What are these to lay my thought my ideas of the wild, of the spectacular? If I make them into a rhyme will you be able to sorth through them and make sence of what there is no sence to make of it? I think not, that is why your reading this, ISN'T IT? I'm not sure. Should I tell? Could I bring so many to this point of knowing? With all the sences, Or my own? All is only to the point that I know all, that I can touch, sence, and feel all. My MIND is all I can encounter in a vast sea of minds that knows what I'm thinking but can only fathome what the next is. IN A ROOM? WITH WALLS? Why keep your mind entrapt in what your keeping it in? EXPAND! That's write, keep thinking, moving, grasping each new piece of information as it comes. Each new piece in a world of so many pieces. If there is so much to be thought then why are we still concentrating on what we are thinking now? YOU KNOW MY NEXT MOVE, SO TAKE IT!!!! NOPE YOUR WRONG, STEP BACK! Are all these thoughts somehow mixing and combining are expressing a way of life? The future is what is to come, the present is what's happening, how do we greet this present which is creeping up on us so slowly? Only with out recall from the past, which isn't and wont be but was. These thought and figments of our past which happened already, so why look back upon? This is why, In order to greet the future. The present is the process of taking these figments of the past and using them in order to greet the future. Now lets try to watch it happen, in your mind, in my mind, its happening all over although different to every mind based on the circumstances. Should we sit back and let it happen or take advantage of it while its happening? Act, that's right, but think first, think before, then ACT!
UP THE DOWN ESCALATOR
Am walking, should i go?
I am moving backward, all the way to the beginning, all the way to where in started from.
I'm trying so hard to get to the end But I always end up where I left off
Am I walking around in circles?
Nope, I know I'm going straight.
I'm going up, up, up, I'm almost there! Nope down I go again all the way back to the bottom.
I fall down and cry b/c no matter how hard i try i get no where even faster
CHOOSE
Make a choice, Make a decision.
You gotta choose good or bad.
But first decide what is good or bad.
Is good the feeling you get from your dope?
Is good the feeling you get from the climax of sex?
Or is there more good, other good?
Is there good you cant see b/c of the blinding of your physical addictions?
Are your physical addictions really the bad in which we are discussing?
Or is that the only good?
Its up to you.
MAKE A CHOICE.
SUICIDE NOTE
Life, what the fuck does it stand for? Hookers, needles, clouds and pills?
There is no fucking way that's what I'm here for!
I'm going to eat, drink, and be merry and what am I going to die for?
Death has got to be better than this SHIT that comes, and goes, and stays, and laughs.
Laughs at us while we live, and cry when we die because when death becomes us the pain, the suffering, the torment is over.
This is a suicide note because suicide is natural.
Suicide is WHAT?
Is suicide death?
Is death natural?
DON'T TALK, DON'T THINK
JUST ACT!
What the fuck and I doing?
Good-bye cruel world that I love so much to hate!
Is this the truth?
Or do I hate so much to love?
Death is coming forth, Becoming, replacing life in my mind.
In the physical death is the absence of life, the absence of mind, of action, of feeling.
Hit one and roll, roll like you've never rolled into a world you are yet to see.
Have you ever seen the music or felt the smell? well your about to.
Enter into a state of confusion, of clarity, a state of dreaming which is now a reality. You better let me know if you enjoy it because not everyone does.
Words can't describe it because it is a state of mind.
The tingling you get when you accomplish an every day procedure.
The sense of understanding you get when you think an unnatural thought.
When your eyes let you see things which should not have been seen.
Is this the complexity of the world we all know and love? Is this the complexity of our minds hard at work?
Or this is a false state brought on by our won free will?
NO! Don't answer because you don't know yet, Let me know tomorrow.
Why do we watch the fucked up fantasies of the wicked and insane others?
Do we wish we had as many problems as the characters that run rampant on the box?
Is this why we waste our lives in front of this Godly box?
The box that influences our world, our society, ourselves?
We believe anything this box says and will do anything it tells us to do.
Do you believe in the reality of this box whose reality is so untrue?
Why let our minds be influenced by this box when we could influence it ourselves?
Because why do the work others can do for us?
Correct? Or incorrect?
Who knows? The TV knows, its must know! Because we look to it for all the answers
STOP AND THINK FOR YOURSELF!
YOU ARE THE